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10/2017

the first day


we waited so long, to get to see each other in a real place, for the first time, look in each othere's eye.
I wasn't sure this is actually going to happen, untill he got on his flight, even if we planed it for long time and spoke about it, I couldn't realise this is gonna become a reality
I didn't know what to expect, and if i knew,  would I let it happen?
I can't tell, I just know that I don't want to be so terrified like this ever again. this fear was so strong. it turned over the whole me from inside
whole my being.
I also know that I love having him close, and that's where I want to be.
love and fear, the basic emotions of any emotion, those emotions which stand behind every action in our lives, they play such a powerfull role in our human mind
but it's not like I can turn the time back right?
so let's speak of what happened.
he came, he is here, so close to me, as never before.
I can't stop smiling
I know that we have those days infront of us, days for us both only
we have the chance to get even closer and to get to know each other more
let our bodies get to know each other
I recognized him right away. 
lighting strike did not hurt me when I first saw him, as I thought will happen, but only because I had to wait so long to be seeing him walking to my diraction, the expectation took all over me and no much space left inside for the nervous me
I lift myself and ran to hm.  his hands were bussy holding his bagadge but it didn't stop me from holding him.
his touch felt warm, he is so handsome, and tall, i noticed  those thoughts flow in my mind
I gave him a little kiss on the neck
his eyes.. I could finally tell their color.. bright blue and yellow at the middle, taht's why they appear green in the pictures.
this excitment, waving in my stomach.. got me dizzy a little
 we go for my mom and her boyfriend, dima, they were waiting for us at the outside
I just wanted to hold his hand, didn't want to let go of the touch but  I felt like i need to, and I had to reserved myself a litttle.
we finally found the car, we go home.
I only wanted to be looking at him, but I noticed he is a bit shy and he turns his eyes away.
he told me he lost his bagadge and he hopes they will find it at the airport and send to my place soon.
we spoke about his flight and he showed me some of the records he made
I let myself hold him, i wanted to kiss him but i felt he isn't comfortable with this idea yet,
it was alright with me.
in his poucket he had some small papers with something written on them in his language
it was this song that he told me about, this one his mom was singing him in russian, she wrote it to him
so he can read it to us, and so he did
I coulldn't understand the whole song
this act really impressed my mom.
we were supposed to pick up dima's little kids, but it was late when we got home from the air port so we gave up on this idea.
evening. we are home. I assked him which room he wants to sleep in
I showed him the house I don't remember this clearly, this evening, I wans't too aware of what is happening around me
I had to realise with myself that it's real, that he came here, he is actually right here beside me
we went for a short walk outside and we got to see those green parrots on the tree, close to home, those parrots I was telling him about, he loves them so much, birds, parrots.. animals in general i suppose
we got back home
in the mean time he was in the shower, mom and dima made a dinner for us all
first he didn't wnat to go for the dinner, '' can I  just go sleep? please M, I just wnat to go sleep''
I knew he must be nervous and tired, but I knew that dima and mom made it specially for him, I tried to convince him a little but I didn't press too much.
finally he agreed to come and it was alright being there with them, we both didn't eat much
he went to his room and I asked him if I can stay with him a little, he let me
I turned off the light and he got undressed
we layed by each other and I let myself touch his chest,  put my head on his chest
he's skin felt so soft, I loved it
I felt he is a little nervous about all this closeness, but it doesn't mean he didn't like it
I gently kissed his hands, his chest and neck
I could finally reach for his lips
he kissed me back
oh my.. I loved how he kissed me, loved the way his lips felt on mine, loved his gentle touch..
that was too sweet..
I'm not sure how long we were there like that, touching and kissing
the sensation of time totally disapeared.
he asked me if it's okay for me if we won't do more than that this night
and of course it was. I was happy for what I have, it was out of a dream, I'm not that greedy.
he lean his head on my chest and I was stroking him softly
 suddenly I felt  his boddy shaking a little and I noticed tears flew from his eyes
I didn't know why he was crying
I asked him but he didn't speak it out
I thought that it's okay he doesn't have to explain me right now if it doesn't feel right to him
so I just held him and kept on stroking him
I didn't know if he wanted me to be sleeping with him the whole night because as I knew him, he needs his space
so I let him sleep by himself
and I went down the stairs to smoke a joint
I called my brother to come down with me, asked him if he wants be my company
I told him there, how i feel about T... how madly in love i feel, and how happy I am, like on the nine cloud..
I went to sleep on the couch, fell into peacefull sleep.
at the early mornign I woke up because of the noise my mom made when she got up, it was still dark, just a little before the dawn
and she asked me
''M why do you slepe here?''
and then I asked myself same question.
I stood up and went to his room, quietly opened the door, he was laying all over the bed and there weren't much space for me, I also noticed my kitty, laying next to him, usually he sleeps with me when I'm home but this night he picked T to sleep with him. i got on the bed and it woke T.
''I was wondering if you will come'' he told me.
he moved so I could lay beside him and held me
I felt this warm wave heating my whole body, bringing me this does of dophamine, making me feel high, safe and loved
 and the cat was holding close to us too, by doin it he just made this moment even more plessent for me.
we kissed more, I'm not sure if we were sleeping but we stayed in bed together till the late morning
then we got up and made ourselves a breakfast, only we were awake in the house
we laughed and he was looking in my eyes.. sunny happy morning. started as one at least.
I coudln't imagine what is going to happen in the next few minutes. no body could I guess.


נכתב על ידי , 25/10/2017 13:38  
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